For those that don’t yet know me I’m a single dude and decided month ago to subscribe to a dating site to meet others like me but of the female. I have made a lot of female friends on the site that often ask me my opinion on certain things from a man’s prospective. Seems for some of my friends those pesky men are bombing the munitions stores.
It really hurts when I get to hear how my friends get treated to point where they start to even doubt there own self-worth. No, no, no. That’s not the way it goes and that’s not what anyone deserves. Now, I’m not going to get religious, though for all those men out there that seem to have their zippers on the side of their trousers like a wussy girl, instead of at the front like a man, I’d like to get religious on their ass and give them a good kicking. But I won’t, being soft soul that I am. I have no answers or solutions either. But what I do have is a little food for thought. It might be all crap but who knows it might be the right thing at the right time for someone going through the online dating war zone out there. I actually got to thinking about all this from talking to a girl today on the phone and a couple of you via messages and chats over the last week.
Attitude is Everything
Everything in life is attitude. The trouble is we sometimes get fed the idea that other people can make us happy or someone else makes us sad. Well in a way other people can do things to us that can allow, if we let them, make us sad, unhappy or better still glad. We can suffer so much when our self-esteem is low or dented.
It really hurts when I get to hear how my friends get treated to point where they start to even doubt there own self-worth. No, no, no. That’s not the way it goes and that’s not what anyone deserves. Now, I’m not going to get religious, though for all those men out there that seem to have their zippers on the side of their trousers like a wussy girl, instead of at the front like a man, I’d like to get religious on their ass and give them a good kicking. But I won’t, being soft soul that I am. I have no answers or solutions either. But what I do have is a little food for thought. It might be all crap but who knows it might be the right thing at the right time for someone going through the online dating war zone out there. I actually got to thinking about all this from talking to a girl today on the phone and a couple of you via messages and chats over the last week.
Attitude is Everything
Everything in life is attitude. The trouble is we sometimes get fed the idea that other people can make us happy or someone else makes us sad. Well in a way other people can do things to us that can allow, if we let them, make us sad, unhappy or better still glad. We can suffer so much when our self-esteem is low or dented.
What can we do?
The question is: “What can we do about it”?
The truth is nobody can force us to feel better about ourselves. A friend or Samaritan can only remind us what we already know inside, and that is that you are brilliant creatures, resourceful, funny, affectionate, strong, gentle, intelligent, loyal, and beautiful. Some of you don’t believe me do you? Well try and prove me wrong, as I’ve seen your profiles and I can see that every single one of you is extremely bonnie. Maybe that’s why I like the site so much as little old me is sitting there chatting to real women, not the fake stuff that’s on TV and posters but really beautiful girls. And maybe that’s why sometimes the men (well not me by the way) don’t turn up when a date is set...
They’re Intimidated By You
You think your self-esteem is low?
These are supposed to be the predatory males and they are poop scared of meeting a real woman half the time.
All Mouth and Now Trousers!
Here’s a funny story I heard when I was hanging out with a girl last week, who will remain nameless (Helen) about a guy that went to call on a girl (no, it wasn’t Helen) and she apparently wasn’t ready. She was called him to come up stairs while she was getting set. The story goes that he ended up walking into the girl’s bedroom and she was, erm, expecting him. In fact she was already naked and waiting. What did this predatory male do…yeah, you guess it…..
...he ran for his life!!!! LOL
That’s a little humorous but these guys aren’t all that you think they are. Guys can put on this front of sitting there ogling over the page 3 models and saying
“yeah, I know what to do with ‘er”!!!
The truth is a lot of them wouldn’t have a clue. If they did then they probably be doing it :)
Anyway we’re all shaky when we have to do something for the first time or going to do something that we haven’t done in a while. Example: most of you girls can cook (compared to me you can all cook). Now if I gave you a dish to knock up that you’d never ever done before, you wouldn’t be galloping around the kitchen like Jamie Oliver would you? You’d get the book out and study it step by step but eventually you’d reach the finish line and have a beautiful meal done. That’s how it always is until we get it “down” as they say.
Laugh, it's Funny. People ask where I get my humour from. Truth was I’ve always had it. But it got buried for a while when I was living in Sweden with my then girlfriend. After the initial honeymoon period (about 48 hours or less), who I was with would constantly remind me what I wasn’t good at or that I wasn’t like this man, or how brilliant that man was etc, etc. I spent too much time trying to please her by trying to assume to be someone I clearly wasn’t.
In the end I got out the relationship, but it taught me a tough but valuable lesson.
Would I prefer not to have gone through those headaches? Yes, but I am also thankful I had those experiences, as it taught me a number of things that I'm not likely to forget. I bet you can guess at least one of them too, can’t you?
The strange thing though is that when the going gets tough in the end I start to look inwards. In other words I don’t look to the other person to change to allow me to be happy, I look to improve myself so I can be happy with the knowledge that I’m an okay dude. Maybe that’s why I was unhappy, because the other person was making me believe that I wasn’t good, or good enough as a man or human being!!! Well what I used to do to try and drown out the negatives that were sitting in my head was to swamp it with positives by reading books and listen to audio. It sounds like crap I know, like I’m getting all religious but in all honesty I had hit rock bottom at a couple occasions. I’d then read and listen and move off the floor, feeling much better and then stop reading and listening. I would then go down again. So I realised that I have to keep it up. I’m not brilliant at that but I know when I start to flag, it means that I have to get back into it. I believe that if we spent as much time exercising are minds with something good going into it (no, not Eastenders) as we do our bodies by going down the gym and eating healthily, we’d have no need for sites like this perhaps. Cos’ we be so up and alive. Just imagine what the wussy men’s reaction would be like then??? Actually they’d have an easier time to, as all the players would only play amongst women that wanted to play. The rest would be living a rich and rewarding life either way.
What was it I did to get out of the poop?
The question is: “What can we do about it”?
The truth is nobody can force us to feel better about ourselves. A friend or Samaritan can only remind us what we already know inside, and that is that you are brilliant creatures, resourceful, funny, affectionate, strong, gentle, intelligent, loyal, and beautiful. Some of you don’t believe me do you? Well try and prove me wrong, as I’ve seen your profiles and I can see that every single one of you is extremely bonnie. Maybe that’s why I like the site so much as little old me is sitting there chatting to real women, not the fake stuff that’s on TV and posters but really beautiful girls. And maybe that’s why sometimes the men (well not me by the way) don’t turn up when a date is set...
They’re Intimidated By You
You think your self-esteem is low?
These are supposed to be the predatory males and they are poop scared of meeting a real woman half the time.
All Mouth and Now Trousers!
Here’s a funny story I heard when I was hanging out with a girl last week, who will remain nameless (Helen) about a guy that went to call on a girl (no, it wasn’t Helen) and she apparently wasn’t ready. She was called him to come up stairs while she was getting set. The story goes that he ended up walking into the girl’s bedroom and she was, erm, expecting him. In fact she was already naked and waiting. What did this predatory male do…yeah, you guess it…..
...he ran for his life!!!! LOL
That’s a little humorous but these guys aren’t all that you think they are. Guys can put on this front of sitting there ogling over the page 3 models and saying
“yeah, I know what to do with ‘er”!!!
The truth is a lot of them wouldn’t have a clue. If they did then they probably be doing it :)
Anyway we’re all shaky when we have to do something for the first time or going to do something that we haven’t done in a while. Example: most of you girls can cook (compared to me you can all cook). Now if I gave you a dish to knock up that you’d never ever done before, you wouldn’t be galloping around the kitchen like Jamie Oliver would you? You’d get the book out and study it step by step but eventually you’d reach the finish line and have a beautiful meal done. That’s how it always is until we get it “down” as they say.
Laugh, it's Funny. People ask where I get my humour from. Truth was I’ve always had it. But it got buried for a while when I was living in Sweden with my then girlfriend. After the initial honeymoon period (about 48 hours or less), who I was with would constantly remind me what I wasn’t good at or that I wasn’t like this man, or how brilliant that man was etc, etc. I spent too much time trying to please her by trying to assume to be someone I clearly wasn’t.
In the end I got out the relationship, but it taught me a tough but valuable lesson.
Would I prefer not to have gone through those headaches? Yes, but I am also thankful I had those experiences, as it taught me a number of things that I'm not likely to forget. I bet you can guess at least one of them too, can’t you?
The strange thing though is that when the going gets tough in the end I start to look inwards. In other words I don’t look to the other person to change to allow me to be happy, I look to improve myself so I can be happy with the knowledge that I’m an okay dude. Maybe that’s why I was unhappy, because the other person was making me believe that I wasn’t good, or good enough as a man or human being!!! Well what I used to do to try and drown out the negatives that were sitting in my head was to swamp it with positives by reading books and listen to audio. It sounds like crap I know, like I’m getting all religious but in all honesty I had hit rock bottom at a couple occasions. I’d then read and listen and move off the floor, feeling much better and then stop reading and listening. I would then go down again. So I realised that I have to keep it up. I’m not brilliant at that but I know when I start to flag, it means that I have to get back into it. I believe that if we spent as much time exercising are minds with something good going into it (no, not Eastenders) as we do our bodies by going down the gym and eating healthily, we’d have no need for sites like this perhaps. Cos’ we be so up and alive. Just imagine what the wussy men’s reaction would be like then??? Actually they’d have an easier time to, as all the players would only play amongst women that wanted to play. The rest would be living a rich and rewarding life either way.
What was it I did to get out of the poop?
There are some books I’ve read and also listen too, as in audio books that might be worth picking up. They’re from an American female author by the name of Susan Jeffers. The first one I’d recommend is cleverly titled, “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway” I have the book somewhere but the audio I stuck on my iPod and iPhone. I do listen to them. Not as regularly as I should as I said before but in fact I last listened to it a couple of morning ago when I either woke too early or went to bed early. For readers get the book too. It’s is really good (I would say that wouldn’t I?) as at one point it mention that very important concept of balance.
What that means is where you don’t put all our eggs in one basket. You know, and I’ve done it, you go on the dating site you login and “ping”, there they are the one you’re going to marry staring up at you. You read through the profile and no mention of a criminal record or that they’re wanted in 6 countries for murder, nothing about an axe, chainsaw massacre hobbies, doesn’t collect milk bottle tops or fly remote control planes, not that much into football, but has the ultimate sense of humour, 6ft 4”, nice legs, bum, chest, house, car, good, job, loves dogs, kids, DIY, trained masseuse, good with their hands and want to get married to someone just like you!!!
You know "the one", right?
So you check further (well I do) and yes they have the same or a complimentary birth sign too. You knock up a message or reply stating all the things you have in common. Though it takes you an extra 10 minutes longer than usual cos’ you have to forever mop up the drool and salivation off the keyboard :). When you’re done you spank the send button and wait for them to turn up, kick your door off its hinges and you gallop off fingers intertwined into the rainbow sunset! Of course! What really happens is this……
That’s right. NOTHING! Absolutely piggin’ nothing!
Now your self-esteem feels like it’s gone more than 10 rounds with “Iron Mike” Tyson, Evander Hollifield and Ali at the same time.
Disaster, crisis!!! :(
Now we know why, don’t we? The reason was simply because our emphasis was all out of balance. We had this huge picture of life covering over everything in our lives. This one person overshadowed our family, home life, our job, our spirituality, our hobbies, our friends and our everything. We had nothing but this one person. When that went poof, we were left with nothing. So we need to put things in to perspective and the book teaches that. Okay? :)
Next on the list is End the Struggle and Dance with Life, same author again. This time it teaches us how to “chill with the still”. I won’t go to deep but there was a brilliant phrase that I recited to a bonnie lass that I spoke with today on the phone when she asked why I was so, and from the book I remembered...
“I wear life like a loose garment”!
How cool is that? I can tell you I wasn’t like that a few years ago.. But anyway I have just the audio on that one. It helped me so much at the beginning of last year when I was so stressed. Anyway I’d better go and do something and let you bonnie beauties get along.
All the best and big hugs to you…and thanks for reading this far! God, and just think there will be more from me again soon too, crikey. :)
Colin Robertson
PS If you think any of this makes some sense or proves useful share, share, share and comment below... if you think it's all crap tell me that to!
UPDATE: This was originally written in the spring 2012 for a dating diary of a dating site I have since cancelled subscription to as less than 8 weeks after writing this piece I was bless with having met the girl of my dreams soulmate, who I affectionately call the "Elf". The Elf is the first and only person who completely and totally matches my energy and craziness. She's amazing!
If you want to know how I did this in such a short time then leave you question in the comments box below and I will answer :)
What that means is where you don’t put all our eggs in one basket. You know, and I’ve done it, you go on the dating site you login and “ping”, there they are the one you’re going to marry staring up at you. You read through the profile and no mention of a criminal record or that they’re wanted in 6 countries for murder, nothing about an axe, chainsaw massacre hobbies, doesn’t collect milk bottle tops or fly remote control planes, not that much into football, but has the ultimate sense of humour, 6ft 4”, nice legs, bum, chest, house, car, good, job, loves dogs, kids, DIY, trained masseuse, good with their hands and want to get married to someone just like you!!!
You know "the one", right?
So you check further (well I do) and yes they have the same or a complimentary birth sign too. You knock up a message or reply stating all the things you have in common. Though it takes you an extra 10 minutes longer than usual cos’ you have to forever mop up the drool and salivation off the keyboard :). When you’re done you spank the send button and wait for them to turn up, kick your door off its hinges and you gallop off fingers intertwined into the rainbow sunset! Of course! What really happens is this……
That’s right. NOTHING! Absolutely piggin’ nothing!
Now your self-esteem feels like it’s gone more than 10 rounds with “Iron Mike” Tyson, Evander Hollifield and Ali at the same time.
Disaster, crisis!!! :(
Now we know why, don’t we? The reason was simply because our emphasis was all out of balance. We had this huge picture of life covering over everything in our lives. This one person overshadowed our family, home life, our job, our spirituality, our hobbies, our friends and our everything. We had nothing but this one person. When that went poof, we were left with nothing. So we need to put things in to perspective and the book teaches that. Okay? :)
Next on the list is End the Struggle and Dance with Life, same author again. This time it teaches us how to “chill with the still”. I won’t go to deep but there was a brilliant phrase that I recited to a bonnie lass that I spoke with today on the phone when she asked why I was so, and from the book I remembered...
“I wear life like a loose garment”!
How cool is that? I can tell you I wasn’t like that a few years ago.. But anyway I have just the audio on that one. It helped me so much at the beginning of last year when I was so stressed. Anyway I’d better go and do something and let you bonnie beauties get along.
All the best and big hugs to you…and thanks for reading this far! God, and just think there will be more from me again soon too, crikey. :)
Colin Robertson
PS If you think any of this makes some sense or proves useful share, share, share and comment below... if you think it's all crap tell me that to!
UPDATE: This was originally written in the spring 2012 for a dating diary of a dating site I have since cancelled subscription to as less than 8 weeks after writing this piece I was bless with having met the girl of my dreams soulmate, who I affectionately call the "Elf". The Elf is the first and only person who completely and totally matches my energy and craziness. She's amazing!
If you want to know how I did this in such a short time then leave you question in the comments box below and I will answer :)
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